It used to be that improvising at the piano was excruciating, even when I was alone in the room.
My inner critic, ferocious.
A massive cringe-fest!
Now, I meet My Self more often with acceptance and appreciation. I receive My Self the way that I want to be received by others.
If you are a witness to my creative expression, your presence alone causes pressure in my nervous system.
It amplifies my impatience with My Self.
(the inside gang) “Hurry up! Figure it out! What’s taking you so long? Is that all you can come up with? Well, just get on with it, will ya?! That was TRULY pathetic.”
You walk in and THEY all pipe up.
My response. Get me out of here.
I went to hear Ram Dass speak years ago. He came out onto the stage and sat there without saying a word for 15 minutes. Then, he spoke. That’s what I remember from that night. The way he did that. The way he took the space. I was in awe of it. Continue reading
You can imagine that really clarified things!
Clients often say to me; “I have to override a part of myself to function in my life, and I can’t do it anymore. I want to get connected to my authentic self and live my life from there. Can you help me do that?”
OVERRIDE: to prevail or have dominance over; overrule
For years, I performed as a professional singer, and I flat out ignored all of the following truths:
- I dreaded the upcoming performances for weeks
- I felt like I was going to the guillotine
- I made my husband miserable with my intense anxiety and self-doubt
- I shook like a leaf on stage under my gown
The part of me that loved to sing and loved the excitement of performing held sway over the part of myself that was utterly terrified. Continue reading
I’m so relieved your voicemail picked up. I wanted to sing Happy Birthday to you but I didn’t want to actually sing it TO YOU!
Why not? What’s the big deal?
A machine won’t judge me or say anything weird in response, but it’s not going to take in the beauty of my song or the message of love either. Like it or not, that’s exactly what puts me at ease. There’s no human response at all!
For someone with a sensitive or traumatized nervous system, standing in your power, speaking your truth or singing your song is downright terrifying. It is an act of courage, a bid for power. Continue reading