What’s in the way?
Some deep seated beliefs like…
- I’ll get hurt.
- I’ll make a fool of myself.
- I’ll be rejected.
- I have to be nice and pleasing to be loved.
- What I have to say isn’t important.
These and many other beliefs that we carry from our early life experience, stand in our way when we are moved to speak.
It takes Courage to stand up to these long held beliefs and Speak Up Anyway!
Looking through a trauma lens helps us to understand how the body gets in the way of speaking up.
Speaking my truth could mean experiencing uncomfortable sensations. Especially, when I’m communicating about something meaningful and important to me. My body is likely to have a reaction to feeling afraid and threatened.
I might feel cold or shaky, nauseated or short of breath.
If I’m going to speak up, it helps to know that this could happen and that IT’S OK if it does. It’s natural. It’s normal. It’s even, believe it or not, human!
Here’s how it works. My body’s response, unless something threatening is actually happening in the moment, is an ‘old story’ that gets triggered in the present moment by My Choice to Be Big, Step Into My Life and Speak My Truth. Here’s the clincher. The more acceptance and detachment I can have when that response occurs, the more able I am to show up and create a new and more satisfying life.
If you have trauma in your body that causes a heightened level of overwhelm in your nervous system, speaking up can be physically uncomfortable. And who wants that? Nobody.
So what do we do? The old school way is to ignore it and motor on through. The truth is we need to slow down to include our discomfort. Life doesn’t often slow down to help out with this sort of thing. It’s difficult in the middle of a heated argument to say “Could we pause for a moment? I’m dissociating, and I’d actually like to be here for this conversation!”
Five tips on what to do when your body goes into a fight, flight or freeze response when there’s nothing life threatening happening:
- Slow down and include your Body Response. Treat it as normal and fine. “Wow. I’m having a strong reaction to this conversation. Can we slow down a bit?”
- Give yourself permission to take a time out to get back into your body. “Can I call you back in 5 minutes?” or “I need to run to the bathroom. Be right back!”
- While talking…Pay attention to and Ground yourself through your 5 senses in the present moment. While listening, take in the beauty of the sun sparkling on the snow…The sound of the birds twittering outside your window…The feel of your feet on the thick wool rug. This lets your body know it’s not a life or death situation.
- While you stay engaged in the conversation…Move your body You don’t need a reason to move, just move! If you have to make up a reason, do it. Get a drink of water, change the lighting, shift your body position. Simply moving will let your body know everything’s OK.
- Dialogue with your Self. “Feeling scared, huh? I’m right here.” Bring your inner adult lovingly into connection with your inner child part. Corny, I know. We can’t escape it! Love is a healing balm.
