More and more, I work with men and women who are aging and experiencing a loss in their vocal capacity. With many women, they find their voice gets lower and they lose their high range. With men, they lose their high voice or falsetto. And in general, the speaking or singing voice can become more disrupted with cracks and pops, dry and brittle. It can also get softer and less powerful.

Use It Or Lose It — Because your body is the instrument or vessel for your voice, keeping your breathing healthy and full and your body strong, is key for the aging voice. If we let ourselves become sedentary, giving into the weight of gravity, hunching over, limiting our breath capacity and so on, we pull the voice down with us.

With life’s blows, we have to work at not letting our pain bring our body and our voice down. For example, not wanting to show our vulnerability or weakness, we can mask our pain with our voice, limiting our expression of feelings, This can cause the voice to become flat or monotone. It is masking our feelings in the same way that our face masks our feelings, making sure that the world knows that we’re keeping it all together. These habitual holding patterns imprison our voice.

On the other hand, if we energize our body, breath and voice, and lift ourselves UP — if we express more of who we are and let it move through our body and voice — If we focus on things that bring us pleasure and joy, we can keep the voice younger and healthier for much longer.

Three Exercises for the Aging Voice:

BREATHING: Here is a simple exercise that works wonders for building power and fullness in your breathing.

Hiss out, using a strong steady stream of air on SSSSSSSS to the count of 6 and then through an open mouth, allow the breath back in to the count of 3.
Place one hand on your belly to feel what happens when the breath goes out of your body and when it comes back in.
Place your other hand on your upper chest to send a message to stay tall, rather than collapsing as the breath goes out of your body.

With practice, when you hiss the air out, the belly will engage and pull in. Then, on the inhalation, you are looking to let go of the tension and work of making sound, releasing the belly, jaw and tongue, and allow the breath to fill in comfortably.
Repeat 5X Daily.

TONING: To energize the voice and lift our spirits, let’s add long tones to our breath exercise. Instead of hissing out the air, open your mouth and sound out on AHHHHHHH to the count of 6. Then, release and allow the breath in to the count of 3. Continue to use your hand to feel the belly moving in as the sound moves out and feel the body release as the breath drops back in. This exercise works the diaphragm so that you deepen into a fuller breath that gets into the bottom of your lungs, rather than a shallow breath in your upper chest. Choose different tones in different parts of your range. Walk or move your body to stay loose and let the sound flow out of you into the world.
Do 5 Long Tones Daily.

RANGE AND FLEXIBILITY: How do you get your range back if you’ve lost it? I suggest doing extended slides which include both chest and head voice, (low and high voice) to build back up your range and flexibility.

Begin with a gentle and low UH sound, like a grunt. From there, let your voice gently slide up in your range and then back down. Gradually extend the slide to include a wider range.
Move your body to encourage the voice to release into the higher range. Here’s a tip: As you begin to go up in your voice, spread your feet hip width apart and bend your knees deeply, as if you’re sitting into a chair. As your voice travels up, you sit down. This is a great way to give your body the message that it doesn’t need to constrict or tighten up in response to going higher.
Do 5 Slides Daily.

And finally, treat your voice as you would a toddler learning to walk. When you let it out, greet it with enthusiasm and loving kindness. When it pops and cracks and sounds ‘ugly’ to you, keep your sense of humor and keep at it!

What’s YOUR box? What box are you keeping yourself in? Do you want to get out? I do! I want to get OUT of the box! And who’s keeping me in the box? What exactly is the box?

Get it right.

Be polite.

Don’t do anything rude, God forbid!

Look good at all costs.

Sound good, look good!

Be nice.

Somebody might not like you if you’re rude or not nice! You might offend someone…That would be bad! You can’t do that.

What are these ideas that keep us from fully embracing all of who we are? These are beliefs. They are core beliefs that have been around a long time. They form when we are children in response to the values in our families of origin and cultural expectations.

So, how do we break out of the box? Here’s an image: The Karate Kid knocking down the WALLS of the box! Seriously, how do I grow bigger when every time I start to step out, the WALLS step in, arms crossed and a voice booms out: ” Where do you think you’re going?  Do you really think that’s a good idea?  Somebody might not like it. You might make a mistake!”  There’s a good one. A mistake! Oh no, I might make a mistake!

But, anyone who has ever gotten out of the box knows that it feels GREAT! It’s all about giving oneself and others permission to simply break out — dare to make a mistake, sound ugly,  look frumpy, be honest.

 

Today’s Exercise: Give Yourself Permission to Get Out of the Box

A Writing Exercise: What keeps you in your box?

I’d like you to take 2 or 3 minutes and write down what keeps YOU in a tight and narrow box?  Close your eyes and listen for the voices that respond from inside when you ask yourself: What keeps me in my box? The answers may sound silly to you, but you’re not here to judge. Just listen and take notes. You’ll get to know more about your core beliefs.

 

A Sound and Movement Exercise: Step In and Out of Your Box

Now we’re going to move our bodies because our bodies are very busy keeping us in our box.

Find a safe space where you can move and make a little noise without worrying about the neighbors. Easier said than done, I know.

Begin in a standing position, close your eyes and notice your body in it’s resting posture.  Simply notice the tension that you hold in your body. For example, your breathing may be shallow, your knees locked, jaw held tight, one hand in a fist, holding it all together.  We’ve got to keep it all together, after all!

Now move from there to a more expansive place, simply by stepping forward, opening your arms and allowing the breath in.

Then, move back to the box and feel into the more held or constricted places in your body, pull your arms into your body. How do I hold myself? How do I keep it all together?

Then, step forward and open it up, feel yourself smile and allow the light in, open your chest, your arms and your heart. Allow the  space around your heart to open. Let go of your jaw, your tongue, and your eyes.

The final step is to add voice. In the first more held or tense posture, speak out loud: “Stay in the box!” Then, as you open your arms and allow life to flow in, say “I’m getting out of the box!”

Move back into the box, exaggerate your muscles tightening them into a ball and say “You’ve got to stay in the box!”

Then again, allow the breath and feel your chest expanding as you open your arms and walk around your space saying out loud “I’m getting out of the box! Yes!” Celebrate your bigness.

And once more going towards the familiar place of holding it all together. “Stay in the box. We’ve got to keep it all together. Be prudent. Stay safe!”

And finally, with a karate kick, knock down those walls! “I want to break out! I’m getting out of the box! It’s about time!”

Go for it!  What can you say to yourself that will give you permission to get OUT of the box today?!

 

Let’s face it — life can be downright scary! It can be SO scary that it takes your breath away. I mean it — it literally takes your breath away. AND it takes your voice away too! Now, that’s a problem. We all have the right to speak! So, how do we get our voice back when fear has swallowed it right up?

Principle #1: Check in with your body

Finding your voice starts in your body and your movement. When your body can move and let go of tension, your voice can move.

I’ll tell you a quick story. I was in a conflict with a friend, and I became aware that I was rooted to the chair — frozen — unmoving. I willed myself to get up and walk across the room, without needing to say anything, just taking care of myself. As soon as I moved across the room, the breath and movement shifted my position in our conflict. I had moved away from the intense field of energy that I felt sitting two feet away from one another. Then, I was able to connect with myself, feel my body and think a little more clearly.

For many of us, our body is as shut down as our voice, so it may not be easy to access the wisdom that your body holds for you.  I’m going to give you a few ideas today about how to get your breath, body and voice moving.

Today’s Exercise:

Please note, if you feel yourself getting triggered — going deeply into a frightening memory — come right out of the posture. Shake it off. Look around the room, and tell yourself ‘Everything is fine right here, right now.’ In this case, wait to do the exercise with a friend or therapist.

Step 1: You can do this seated in a chair or in a standing position.

Visualize what you imagine your body’s response to fear might be. Let your body feel just a bit of that feeling. You might pull back slightly, tense up, tuck your head — take on a posture to protect yourself from harm.

Step 2: Now, this is where fear meets voice head on! Sit up tall or if you’re standing, take a strong step forward and simply open your mouth and say a  powerful AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So, this is different from when the doctor says “stick out your tongue and say AH”. This is using your voice to energetically clear a path for you to re-engage with your life in that moment.

Step 3: Take a moment to close your eyes and notice the impact for you. You might feel excitement or energy moving in your body. You might feel the strength and courage that it took for you to meet the fear head on!

I recommend that you repeat this a few times, and practice it in your life when you are feeling afraid of something. Obviously, you’ll want to do it in private. The car can be great for this sort of thing. Try it! Sure, it might feel goofy, but it’s a simple tool that you can use to empower yourself. Go for it!

How does our voice form? Our voice forms in connection with others — in relationship. As an infant, we cry out and in most cases, mother or father responds to that cry. We are communicating non-verbally with our voice, reaching out to another human being and being heard. We are in connection.

Donald Winicott 1896 -1971, psychotherapist, describes the mother’s voice (or father’s voice) as a “holding environment” that maintains connection with the infant. If the mother or father leaves the room and continues to speak or sing to the baby, the baby feels held in their non-verbal connection. If on the other hand, the mother or father doesn’t attend to their connection through voice, the infant may grow isolated and withdrawn.

Was your voice welcomed into the world? What were the messages that you received when you put your voice out as a baby, toddler, young child? What beliefs formed early on about expressing yourself freely in the world? Here are some common beliefs about voice that clients explore and transform in Movingvoice work.

Children are to be seen and not heard.
Speak only when spoken to.
You’re too big.
You’re too loud.
You’re too full of yourself.
You’re too much.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? These are familial and cultural norms — acceptable behavior. All too often, these messages rob us of our birthright – the right to speak.

An Exercise to Build Awareness of Core Beliefs:

Movingvoice draws on Hakomi Body Centered Psychotherapy, using mindfulness to observe one’s inner experience and access the wisdom of the body to heal.

I’m going to ask you to close your eyes, so you’ll need to read the directions before you begin. Or even better, have someone else do the exercise with you.

First, a brief explanation of mindfulness. Close your eyes and turn your awareness inside. Notice your inner experience. Observe your breath, sensations, feelings and thoughts just as they are. Please don’t make an effort to calm things down inside of you.

Next, I have four phrases that I’d like you to say gently to yourself, or better yet have someone speak the phrase out loud to you. The object here is to study your response, to notice the impact of the statement on your whole being, not simply to analyze with your mind. That can wait. The body holds crucial information for us to heal.

Begin by picking the phrase that has the most charge for you. Start with one phrase. You can stop there, or go on to do all four.

Your voice is welcome here.
It’s okay to be big and loud.
Your voice matters.
I like the sound of your voice.

After you deliver the phrase, take your time and notice what emerges on its own in response to it. Be patient. Often, a voice, a thought, a sensation or a memory will emerge that tells you something more about your core beliefs. You may find that you have a defensive response, such as; “No way. I don’t believe you. You’re making things up!” Or typically, the body tenses up, causing a tightening in the throat, jaw or solar plexus. Sometimes a painful memory surfaces, or an image comes to mind. Whatever emerges, take this opportunity to study it and learn. In some cases, the statement is received as nourishment and support. If so, drink it in!

The defensive, non-believing responses are parts of your Self whose job it is to protect you and keep you from getting hurt ever again. It could be time to acknowledge their hard work, and start taking steps to transform these beliefs — to step into the full power of your voice. It’s not always comfortable, but it will be a better world with your voice in it!

Because most of our senses are focused forward, our speaking and singing voice can get stuck in the front. It may be overly nasal or strident, lacking in depth or power. We can easily forget the back of our body. So, we have to consciously bring our awareness into the back to access the fullness of our voice.

The trick here is that it truly is about resting back into yourself rather than working, striving or pushing on your voice. In today’s exercise, I’m going to ask you to let go of tension in many parts of your body. But before doing that, I’d like you to turn your awareness towards a part of your Self that I call the worker. You might know it as a part that is controlling, pushy or that is always driving you to do the next thing. Sound familiar? Don’t make it a bad thing. We all have one!

So, now that you’ve acknowledged that part, I’d like you to ask it to step back so you can do this exercise. You can ask it silently or out loud. You might say something along these lines. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like you to step back for a moment so I can learn about just being with myself, rather than working at it. Then, you can come right back and help out with the next thing!” Get the picture?

An Exercise in Awareness and Breathing:

In order to rest into your back body, you need to let go of the front. That may sound simple, but you’d be surprised! So here goes. I’m going to ask you to close your eyes, so you’ll need to read the directions before you begin. Or even better, have someone else read the directions to you at a relaxing pace.

Find a chair that supports your back and sit with both feet planted firmly on the ground. Lengthen the back of your neck and allow your chin to come down and in slightly.

Close your eyes and send a message to your brain to release the tension that comes with always having to focus on looking at things.

Now, send a message to allow the breath in. Let it be a natural, easy breath. There’s no need to make it big or full. Remember, the worker is taking a break.

Let your tongue lie relaxed on your lower lip.

Let go of your jaw.

Place your awareness in the back of your throat, feeling the coolness of the breath flowing in and out.

Now, there’s one more thing that I want you to let go of and it may not be easy!

Let go of your belly.

In order for your back body to expand and open – for the ribs to move up and out – and for the diaphragm to move down – you need to let go of your belly. Don’t get me wrong, it is great to have strong core muscles. But to have a full and free voice, you need to be able to release them, as well. So, are you ready? Let it all hang out!!

To sense the movement of your breath and the back body opening, I’d like you to place one hand on your side ribs and the other on your belly.

Continue to allow the breath in and out and notice what happens. Remember, you don’t need to take the breath in, simply allow it in. Is there movement under your hands? Are the ribs moving out? Is your belly moving at all? I don’t want you to DO anything to make things move. Simply pay attention. If your back is touching a chair, you may sense your back expanding against the chair.

This whole exercise is about letting go of tension and holding in the front body, in order to allow the back body to open. This may take some practice.

So, when your worker is tiring you out. Take a moment to just be with your whole body and feel the space expanding inside you. This practice will bring support, beauty and power into your voice!

Years ago I did my training in Voice Movement Therapy. We had to come up with 16 sub-personalities or personas and present them to the group.  One day, I hadn’t prepared my persona, so I simply walked out onto the stage and began improvising.

That was when I discovered a fun loving part of myself that I call Daphne. Daphne came to me in a high pressure moment when I couldn’t be a perfectionist. What emerged was a persona who was light, humorous, sweet and didn’t suffer from performance anxiety at all! This was a revelation to me, since performing had never come naturally.

More recently, I found myself creating a persona that I named Pebbles after the Flintstone’s toddler character.  I could tell as the pre-verbal gibberish emerged that it was a baby voice. It was sweet and happy and could go on for hours simply delighting in her own sounds. My head told me that I sounded ridiculous and should stop the nonsense right away, but my intuition urged me to let this part of myself have a voice.

These personas are teachers for me. They give me a window into a way of expressing myself that is not my dominant way. Pebbles, like Daphne, is confident, light hearted and immune to the pressure of needing to please others. No one needs to give her permission to shine her light. She just does!

One of the qualities that babies and young children almost always have is an ability to share their gifts without fear or ego. Their full and vibrant expression is still integrated into who they are and flows out effortlessly! As we take the blows that life deals us, this confident, egoless sharing can get squashed and split off from our primary way of being in the world and expressing ourselves.

When you have a moment that feels out of the box, goofy or different from your usual way of doing things, SEIZE HOLD of it and RUN WITH IT! Get to know these hidden parts of yourself that can be teachers for you. PAY ATTENTION! Many of them are the keepers of our light, our essence, our wisdom…They can help us to take risks and realize our dreams. If Daphne can do it, then maybe so can I! And so can you.

If you haven’t seen the King’s Speech, please do. It’s a historical drama about England’s King George VI, known to his family as Bertie, whose terrible stutter–in an age of radio addresses to the nation–threatened to undermine his confidence and his reign. He seeks help from Lionel Logue, an Australian speech therapist who’d learned his craft treating soldiers traumatized on their return from World War I.

Working with Logue, Bertie must accept that “fixing” his stammer is more than a matter of mechanics. Babies, Logue tells him, are not born with stammers, and as the story unfolds, Bertie, a man with few if any intimate connections, voices some deeply wounding experiences from his childhood. The movie climaxes with the speech Bertie must deliver to his people over the radio as England enters the war with Hitler’s Germany. He must inspire courage and optimism during a fearful moment in history.

In an interview, the actor Colin Firth, who plays Bertie, says:

“These themes are universal. I think it’s about people trying to reach each other. It’s a heightened version of that. Everybody has limitations on their ability to communicate. Everyone has fears that they won’t communicate successfully. Anybody who has to speak publicly can identify with this moment. For them it will be the anxiety dream they had the night before.

I think people do have a problem with intimacy. There’s a level on which we all are alone no matter how intimate we are with our family. You can’t actually really get inside someone else and take out their pain. You wish you could. So, I think it is a story about one person trying to reach another person through so many barriers. Setting it in the 30s in the royal family heightens some things that we are all familiar with.”

Lionel Logue provides a healing relationship in which Bertie, the King, can shift some deeply held beliefs about himself. This is the heart of Movingvoice: to guide and support another human being in giving voice to their unique expression!

Movingvoice focuses on overcoming obstacles to a full, free voice. In many cases, the obstacles or blocks to the voice are not as evident as a severe stammer. For many of us, we don’t actually know what’s in the way of speaking our truth or singing in front of people, but we do feel the terror! In one sense, it’s more straight forward if there is an actual problem to address such as a tremor.

I work with the body as the instrument for expression. You don’t need to know what the problem is. The body and voice together reveal what’s in the way of speaking up or singing out. In Bertie’s case, he had no choice but to face his demons so that he could lead his Nation. For many of us, we have the choice to claim our power and our voice. So, make that choice and  take a baby step toward bringing more of your voice into the world!